I assume you’re as big a fan of the Toadies as I am. Aren’t they the best? Anyway, please consider the following for your administration, should you have one (you shouldn’t):

VP: Luke Wislon can hit the ground running. (Todd Palin would be a total burn though, wouldn’t it? Too bad he’s not a citizen.)
Defense: Dabney Coleman. Duh. If he’s busy, Rip Torn. Or Tommy Lee Jones.
Homeland Security: Kris Kristofferson is not too old for this shit.
Agriculture: Woody Harrelson, obviously. Or Meat Loaf.
Education: Matthew McConaughey. First order of business - the “steers and queers” disinformation initiative.
Etc.

Please also take back the Duffs, Simpsons, Tex-Mex, Reneé Zellweger and Steve Martin (post-1992). If you could leave us with Gary Busey and Lisa Whelchel, it would be a nice parting gesture.

Godspeed! Catch you at SXSW!

Fuck Yeah That Wide

Possum Kingdom (or, United Havers-of-Bigger-Things of Texas)